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How to Deal with People Who Manipulate Nicely
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From flattery to bullying, there are many ways to manipulate someone. Coercive tactics include questioning one’s character, ignoring boundaries, promoting guilt, and imposing one’s own reality on others.
In order to maintain a healthy relationship, one must respect the other’s boundaries, listen attentively, and take action to help the other. In order to influence others, manipulative people disregard boundaries and feign concern, while engaging in unhealthy strategies. Self-centeredness and a disregard for the full humanity of another characterize such individuals.
How to Deal with People Who Manipulate Nicely
Most manipulative people aren’t just manipulators, either. To make their efforts even more effective and difficult to detect, they often have appealing characteristics. However, when they are manipulating, we find ourselves answering unwelcome questions and complying with unwanted requests because they are always looking out for us.
Manipulative Interaction: What to Look for
Defining Reality
People who manipulate nicely give their views of reality as the sole version. They portray assurance when there is uncertainty or controversy, utilizing sentences that begin with “Surely you must see that,” “Obviously, we are,” or “Certainly this implies something.” They speak for others, defining “we” and “us” entirely from their perspective, presuming their opinions are our thoughts, without consulting us.
Questioning as a Means of Coercion
Most of us think that straightforward queries should be answered. It’s the first thing that comes to mind. Yes, certain queries may be beneficial, of course. Inquiries with open-ended answers are one of the most effective tools mentors employ to help us get new insights into issues that are significant to us. People that are manipulative utilize questions to get us to focus on what they want us to focus on instead of our own lives.
Improving Our Understanding of Ourselves
Expert manipulators switch between deification and vilification at will. Whenever we say or do what they want, they give us a public pat on the back. Crossing them is seen as a failure and a harmful act by them. Both positions are simplistic and dehumanizing. In no way, shape, or form are we demigods or demons.
To get us to do things we don’t want to do or wouldn’t do on our own, they could employ flattery, presents, or false gratitude. When we fail to comply with their demands, they become insulted and accuse us of not being there for them due to our lack of charity and self-sacrifice. They don’t take into account our own rights, wants, and aspirations in the process.
Violating Boundaries
Those who manipulate us often fail to recognize that we have personal boundaries at all. Their desires are all we have to work with. They tend to reveal too much too soon, and then rely on the principle of reciprocity to make up for it. It’s your turn to tell me what I told you. It is possible that they will pretend to respect our privacy in order to identify our boundaries so that they can move around them.
Inquisitive
Even if we aren’t ready to answer, manipulative individuals often insist on rapid replies. With these demands, they use a “foot in the door” strategy, making minor requests that we agree to, before moving on to greater ones. It’s more difficult to say no when the expectations are so high, since there’s already been a yes.
Creating an Environment of Shame
Manipulative individuals will attempt to make us feel guilty for our criticism if we voice it. “After everything we’ve done for each other,” they will say or imply. They may even chastise us if we don’t agree with them.
Drawing on Victimhood
Nice manipulators count on our concern for their well-being to abuse our goodness, therefore extracting concessions that we would not otherwise give. They thrive on a pain-off, stating their troubles are greater than ours—or promoting a false equivalency.
They blend praise with their self-assessed problems. “I can’t do this without you.” “You’re crucial to this project.”
Dealing with the Cycle of Manipulation
Defending Our Human Rights at All Costs
When dealing with psychologically manipulative persons, the most essential rule is to assert our human rights when they are being infringed. Each of us has a basic human right to live our lives as we want, unencumbered by the demands of others. This includes the freedom to define our own priorities and to say “no.”
Manipulation aims to take advantage of both our weaknesses and our strengths. Even though we may feel guilty for not meeting the other person’s expectations, it isn’t our fault. As a result, our human rights are being trampled underfoot.
Being Appropriately Contrary
When dealing with psychologically manipulative persons, the most essential rule is to assert our human rights when they are being infringed. Each of us has a basic human right to live our lives as we want, unencumbered by the demands of others. This includes the freedom to define our own priorities and to say “no.”
Manipulation aims to take advantage of both our weaknesses and our strengths. Even though we may feel guilty for not meeting the other person’s expectations, it isn’t our fault. As a result, our human rights are being trampled underfoot.
Maintaining a Clear Line
When manipulative individuals put us to the test, they’re looking to see how far we’ll go to satisfy their demands. This is a time when we need to be solid and loyal to what we know to be best for ourselves.
Angry and arguing backfires when we’re being influenced, therefore we should keep our replies to a minimum. We should keep our distance and avoid engaging unless it is absolutely necessary to do so whenever feasible. We aren’t here to save the day. If they have a problem, it is not our responsibility to fix it. (The therapist is responsible for that.)
Taking Your Time and Distance
Even if someone expects an immediate response, we may take use of the extra time. We have the power to choose our own timetables. There is always the option of taking a break if required. A simple “I’ll think about it” statement frees up your brain to come up with an appropriate answer.
Making a Plan of Action
As long as the manipulative individual refuses to accept “no” as a response, we have the option of enforcing consequences. Not out of resentment, but to keep our character intact. Consequences, in theory, should promote mutual respect.
Summary
In order to maintain a healthy relationship, one must respect the other’s boundaries and listen attentively. Coercive tactics include questioning one’s character, ignoring boundaries, promoting guilt, and imposing one’s own reality on others. Expert manipulators switch between deification and vilification at will. When dealing with psychologically manipulative persons, the most essential rule is to assert our human rights when they are being infringed. Each of us has a basic human right to live our lives as we want, unencumbered by the demands of others.
This includes the freedom to define our own priorities and to say “no”. Manipulation aims to take advantage of both our weaknesses and our strengths. Each of us has a basic human right to live our lives as we want, unencumbered by the demands of others. This includes the freedom to define our own priorities and to say “no”.
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