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5 Behaviors That Might Signal Untreated Attachment Trauma (and How to Heal)
Ever feel like your reactions or habits don’t quite add up? Maybe you’re quick to push people away, wrestle with chronic pain, or feel an urge to control everything. These could be more than quirks—they might point to untreated attachment trauma. As a psychology professor with decades of experience, I’ve seen how childhood wounds shape adult behaviors, often without us realizing it. Dr. Annie Tanasugarn, writing for Psychology Today, highlights five behaviors linked to attachment trauma: chronic pain, psychological symptoms, self-sabotage, trauma avoidance, and control issues. Recognizing these is the first step to healing, and it can transform your mental health. Let’s explore what these behaviors mean and how to address them for a healthier, happier you.
What Is Attachment Trauma?
Attachment trauma happens when a child’s sense of safety, trust, or love is disrupted during critical developmental years. This can stem from neglect, abuse, a parent’s absence, or inconsistent caregiving. According to a 2020 study in Developmental Psychology, secure attachment with caregivers builds emotional resilience, but disruptions can lead to lasting wounds. In my practice, I’ve worked with clients who didn’t realize their childhood experiences—like a parent’s emotional unavailability—still influenced their adult relationships and mental health.
Untreated, these wounds manifest as behaviors that feel “normal” but may harm your well-being. Tanasugarn’s five signs, detailed below, offer a roadmap to spot these patterns. If several resonate, it’s worth exploring with a mental health professional. Awareness alone can start to loosen trauma’s grip, helping you reclaim choices that align with your true self.
1. Chronic Pain
Your body often holds what your mind can’t process. Tanasugarn notes that chronic pain—like fibromyalgia, headaches, back pain, or insomnia—can trace back to attachment trauma, especially if linked to physical or emotional abuse. A 2021 study in Pain Medicine found that childhood trauma increases the likelihood of chronic pain in adulthood, as stress alters the nervous system’s pain response. I’ve seen clients with unexplained fatigue or migraines discover, through therapy, that their symptoms tied to early neglect.
This doesn’t mean every ache is trauma-related, but persistent pain without a clear cause warrants a deeper look. If you’re nodding along, consider tracking your symptoms and discussing them with a doctor or therapist to explore emotional roots alongside physical ones.
2. Psychological Symptoms
Attachment trauma often shows up as emotional turbulence. Tanasugarn lists symptoms like obsessive thoughts, mood swings, irritability, depression, or severe anxiety. These can range from mild to intense, flaring up unpredictably and disrupting moments of calm. A 2019 study in Journal of Traumatic Stress links childhood attachment issues to adult emotional dysregulation, where feelings like sorrow or anger hit hard and fast.
In my work, I’ve counseled clients who brushed off these symptoms as “just how I am,” only to uncover trauma as the source. Some turn to addictions—like alcohol or overeating—to numb the pain, which Tanasugarn warns can mask the root issue. If you’re struggling with mood swings or persistent worry, therapy can help you name and manage these feelings, reducing their hold on your mental health.
3. Self-Sabotage
Ever push someone away, then regret it? Self-sabotage is a hallmark of attachment trauma. Tanasugarn describes a cycle: you might lash out, act impulsively, or distance yourself from loved ones, only to feel guilt and shame afterward. This often stems from an unconscious need to “test” others’ commitment, driven by a fear of abandonment. A 2022 study in Attachment & Human Development found that those with attachment trauma may reject closeness to protect themselves, even when it’s what they crave.
I’ve seen this in clients who sabotage relationships by picking fights or withdrawing, like one woman who ended friendships out of fear they’d leave first. Recognizing this pattern is key. Therapy, like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can teach you to pause before reacting, helping you choose connection over self-destruction.
4. Trauma Avoidance
Avoidance is a common shield against pain. Tanasugarn explains that people with attachment trauma may emotionally shut down or dodge painful memories, leading to behaviors like substance abuse, binge eating, or overworking. This “flight” response keeps trauma buried but prevents healing. A 2020 study in Trauma, Violence, & Abuse links avoidance to higher rates of addiction and anxiety, as unprocessed pain festers.
In therapy, I’ve worked with clients who threw themselves into work or screens to escape childhood memories, only to feel emptier. Breaking this cycle starts with small steps, like journaling about feelings or trying mindfulness to face emotions safely. Professional support can guide you to process pain without being overwhelmed, strengthening your mental health.
5. Strong Need for Control
A childhood marked by helplessness often breeds an adult obsessed with control. Tanasugarn notes that those with attachment trauma may micromanage their lives to feel safe, a response to overly controlling or neglectful parents. A 2021 study in Journal of Personality found that early insecurity can lead to rigid behaviors, like needing everything planned or struggling with spontaneity, which fuels anxiety when things go off-script.
I’ve seen this in clients who felt “out of control” as kids and now cling to routines or perfectionism. One man, raised by a critical parent, obsessed over work schedules to avoid feeling powerless. Therapy helped him loosen his grip by building trust in himself and others. If control feels like your lifeline, exploring its roots can free you to live with more ease.
How to Start Healing
Recognizing these behaviors is a powerful first step. If several ring true, consider reaching out to a therapist trained in trauma, such as those using DBT or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). A 2022 study in Clinical Psychology Review found that trauma-focused therapies significantly reduce symptoms like anxiety and self-sabotage. In my practice, I’ve seen clients transform by naming their trauma and learning new coping skills, like grounding techniques or self-compassion exercises.
You can also start small at home. Journal about your behaviors to spot patterns, practice mindfulness to sit with emotions, or talk to a trusted friend about your experiences. Healing attachment trauma isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about choosing behaviors that serve you now, boosting your mental health and relationships.
Final Thoughts
Untreated attachment trauma can quietly shape your life, from chronic pain to self-sabotage, but you don’t have to stay stuck. By recognizing behaviors like those outlined by Dr. Annie Tanasugarn, you can take the first step toward healing. Whether it’s seeking therapy, reflecting on your patterns, or embracing healthier choices, you have the power to rewrite your story. These behaviors aren’t “you”—they’re echoes of old wounds, and with support, you can quiet them. Start today, and let your mental health flourish.
FAQs
Q: What is attachment trauma?
A: It’s emotional or physical harm from disrupted safety or trust in childhood, often due to neglect or abuse.
Q: How do I know if I have attachment trauma?
A: Look for signs like chronic pain, mood swings, self-sabotage, avoidance, or control issues, and consult a therapist.
Q: Can attachment trauma cause physical pain?
A: Yes, studies link it to issues like fibromyalgia, headaches, or fatigue due to stress on the nervous system.
Q: How can I heal from attachment trauma?
A: Therapy (like DBT or EMDR), mindfulness, and journaling can help process pain and build healthier habits.
Q: Why do I sabotage relationships?
A: It may stem from attachment trauma, where fear of abandonment leads to pushing others away for protection.
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